A confession & wedding rings

"It's not a laxative."

I'd have never guessed that particular statement would figure so prominently (rather, at all!) in my relationships with Craig.  Never.  However, it's probably THE funniest and longest running joke between us to date.

A bit of background on Craig:  we are fairly certain that he has Celiac's disease (i.e., officially undiagnosed but he gets extremely sick for days when exposed to the slightest trace of wheat) and he sometimes gets "glutened" when we dine out.  This usually results in days of belly aches before it sorts itself out.

One weekend, that we were spending in my particularly sparse (these days) Greenbelt home, Craig was glutened and I tore up the house trying to find something to make his belly feel even slightly better, but I turned up nothing.  Late at night I remembered that I'd procured some liquid concoction in a bottle for my mom's belly at some point and went rummaging through the fridge (where you find liquid belly concoctions, apparently).  I found said bottle.  I looked at the expiration date--looked good.  Smelled fine.  I eyeballed the contents really hard and it passed my test.  I happily trotted back to Craig with the bottle, read that a dose was a single tablespoon, and said, "Just for good measure, why don't you take two huge swigs?"  He promptly did just that.

The belly really didn't get much better, but I didn't expect miracles.  In spite of the belly ache, Craig and I did our normal Sunday morning shopping the following day.  In the middle of the frozen vegetables, Craig eyes suddenly got as big as frozen pizzas as he stared off past the tater tots.  He tossed his wallet at me.  He hurriedly squeaked, "I'll be right back," as he dashed off toward the bathroom.  He emerged some time later (I'd already checked out with our groceries) and looked worse for the wear.  We drove home immediately.  Poor guy.

As Craig slowly started to feel back to normal after the first few days of the week, I mentally reviewed all that he'd been through since the glutening.  It concerned me because explosive diarrhea didn't usually accompany his normal symptoms and I feared he was getting worse.  I allowed my mind to wander right back to my fridge in Greenbelt and I began to wonder what exactly was in the liquid concoction I fed him.  It was something like Pepto Bismol, wasn't it?  I mean, it was chalky and gross, it just wasn't pink.  I couldn't for the life of me remember what was on the label...then I started to worry.  What if it wasn't coat-your-stomach stuff?  What if it was...?

Needing to answer this question, after work I went straight to the Greenbelt fridge and found that elusive bottle.  Milk.  Of.  Magnesia.  Oh.  My.  God.

I had given my boyfriend not JUST diarrhea, but a DOUBLE DOSE of diarrhea.  Shame and guilt instantly became my new best friends for two weeks while I debated whether to tell him what I'd done.  Would he leave me?  Would he never allow me to care for him again?  Finally, I had to confess.  The knowledge of my misdeed was just too heavy.

I sat him down and told him we needed to talk.  His immediate reaction was to ask, "Are you breaking up with me?"  Poor guy.  I told him the whole sordid story and was apologizing profusely.  I couldn't apologize enough.  He quickly forgave me and I shared with him that now I feared he wouldn't trust me ever again with medications.  So, from then on, whenever medication passes from my hands to his I bring the entire bottle/package/whatever and we read it together and I say very slowly and clearly, "See, it is not a laxative."

Fast forward to me buying Craig his wedding ring, a close friend who knows this terrible story (Denise) suggested I get his ring engraved with "It's not a laxative."  Though I couldn't bring myself to actually do that(!) I still wanted to see what his reaction would be if I had, so I filmed Craig taking the first look at his ring.  Instead, I had the ring engraved with "Because you lighten my soul," which is something my mom remarked about our time together right at the end of her life.  She said after I got home from our fourth or fifth date, "Every time you spend time with Craig you come back and it's like your soul is lighter."  Awww, mom.




And  here are our rings, together (engagement ring not shown).  I love them!